Number Five With A Bullet.

It's official with the boy.

I'm back to eating.
I'm all nice and fat.
fuck.
Needs to stop.

Things with said boy are going abit fast.
Scaring me.
Should talk to him about my past, explain that him not pleasuring me isn't his fault.
How the fuck do you start a conversation like that?!
Haha, bit too much information for you lot. I'll stop there.

Weightloss is my number 1 priority now.
Well, when was it never...
4 months till graduation, summer, new life.
and fuck me if I don't become half my size by then.

Schools going down the drain.
Should be in right now, sitting in a cafe writing this.
Fuck it, they can kick me out for all I care.
Really, given up.

Right, plan.
Liquid fast tomorrow.
Little food friday-sunday.
Liquid fast Mon-Tues.
Complete fast Wed.
Up to 300cals Thurs.
Liquid fast Friday.
Complete fast Sat, except alcohol, but I'll be careful.

It's half term next week so no school should help me gain some control.
fingers crossed.
Ahhhhh we can do this.
<3

 

 

Just Feed The War Cannibal Animal.

Time gets away from me.
I think I'm being cheated.
We're all being cheated.

Have you ever noticed, even if you set 3 clocks to exactly the same time, after a while they'll all have a difference.
Slow, fast.
Who's minutes are shedding?

School bells, harmonized time, they all go out of sync somehow.
So what is the time?

Surprised at how well not eating is going. Control wise.
I've been picking here and there to get through the days, but definitely nothing over 300 cals.
Drinking alot of coffee with sugar & milk which adds up to some calories, but I'm not ready for that bitter taste of sweetner yet.
I have no scale to weigh and compare.
But I think my stomach has gone down a titch.
Not nearly enough.
Sad to say I did have KFC on wednesday night.
But I fasted all yesterday to make up for it.

Slept at L's last night.
He's the one from new years.
I'm not sure what I'm doing there.
I still don't want a relationship.
But I can't loose him.

Today has been just coffee and diet coke.
Heating up some egg soup to keep me going for the night cause I'm feeling weak and running on 2 hours sleep.
I wont have more than a few spoonfuls.
Avoid the rice.

Contemplating everything.

Time's are a-changing..
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
Death swarms my thoughts.

They rally round the family.

With a pocket full of shells.

beetlebum.

I almost forgot how easy it is not to eat.

I've missed this.


Now with an empty stomach, I can conquer the world.

x

Immulsion.

All we've ever wanted
Is to look good naked
Hope that someone can take it
God save me rejection
From my reflection,
I want perfection.

My mum found my stash again. Of everything.

Laxatives, diet pills, caffeine pills, razors, toothbrushes...

It's all gone.

I really feel like my world is crashing all around me.

No where to escape to.

I do apologise for so many emo posts lately.

they'll pick up soon.

<3

 

Hole.

Rejection from first choice university.
Hurts, bad.

It's lovely when all my friends are getting into top 10 unis, and I get rejected from 28th.
The other choices are worse.
Bah, I've really fucked up this time.
Worse thing is, these some of them aren't smarter than me, my school just has no faith in me.
Win.

I don't know where to go from here.
Why am I bothering?

22 more hours.

3 days,

...Is all that's going through my head.
Three days until I can get back on track.
72 hours until my exams are over and I get my life back.
4320 minutes until I can start feeling like me again.
259200 seconds until I can start my battle and get to looking like these lovelies.

Bring.It.On.
x

I want you all to explain to me why.

Why are we here?
Why are we doing this to outselves?
Why have anything..

Just..
why?

I can't work anything out anymore.